twistedSISTER

Being Pregnant is tough with an ED

twistsis — Sun, 05 Jun 2011 10:17:12 +0000

So, I dont know how many of you have heard before now but I am pregnant! Believe me when I found out I was so shocked, I was under the impression that I couldnt actually have children due to not being able to carry to term in the past and having health problems too, however it seems that I have been given another chance to prove myself.
When I first found out that I was pregnant I was very shocked, I was driving down a motorway at the time the doctors confirmed that I was expecting. I tried getting hold of my partner and my friends but of course it was too early so a lot of people were still asleep. My friends took the news really well and so did my other half after getting over his initial shock of the news. I was happy of course that this was the outcome and that I had another chance at being a mother. However I was concerned, I was and still am scared that something would happen to my baby and that it would be my fault. Eating of course came as an issue originally, I was still eating three small meals a day but when I say small I mean small! This was not enough to sustain myself and my baby. But strangely once it all clicked into my head that I was carrying a child it all got a bit easier! My meal sizes increased gradually, not that it would be classed as normal size but each meal managed to get a little bigger and I worked my way up to be eating on average two meals a day, but these were the closest to a normal size meal that I ever got close to. And when I went to see the midwife she checked me and the baby out and said that we were doing well and the baby was healthy! it was the most amazing news I have ever heard! That was my 12 week check up and I am now 27 weeks pregnant, baby is still healthy and my meals are going strong providing all nutrients my baby needs.

A message to all pregnant ED sufferers out there: yes it is hard to do what you need to in order to provide a healthy body for your baby but as long as you keep in mind that in the end you will have someone who will love you unconditionally forever and who you can love in return, it will get you through.. love is a powerful thing and in my experience it was lack of love that put me in the dark place where ED found me in the first place.

Lots of love

TS xxx

Someone finally knows.

twistsis — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 16:29:58 +0000

So, I know I haven’t been around for ages now and to be honest I dont really know why I came back this time. But here I am, I thought I would say that now my Aunt knows exactly what is going on with me. She knows everything, I have actually finally opened up to someone in my immediate life (except Catherine of course) and she is now trying to help me through everything and help me get better.

It was tough to tell her, to open up again after telling my story to someone else who ended up getting sick and passing away was a huge thing for me and boy did I struggle, I cried, I ran, I screamed, I had the most horrible flashbacks and the pain was immense. But now it’s out there, she knows and she didn’t leave me. She didn’t leave and there is only 1 other person who didn’t leave me (you know who you are Mummy M).

I guess it just goes to show that you have to keep moving along until you find that right person, the right person who will stand by you through everything, through every emotion, through the running, the screaming, the hurting. Everything…….the person/people who give a damn!

Keep going girls, there will be someone who can help you if you just keep believing in tomorrow.

love you all

TS xxxx

Christmas hell for ED and me AGAIN!!

twistsis — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 16:27:49 +0000

So its that time again then, the time where christmas starts in September here and by the time the actual day comes along all you want to do is run away and hide and then wait another year for it to begin again.

Christmas is often a time that is hard for people, ED or no ED, Christmas can drag up old feelings for everyone for different reasons. I was standing at the bus stop the other day and there were these two elderly ladies waiting there and one of them said how its strange that alot of people die around Christmas.

I dont know how that conversation got started or finished but I was thinking to myself that yes its true, there are alot of deaths around Christmas but im sorry, there are alot of deaths every day! We just realise them more at Christmas because its supposed to be a happy time and its not nice for someone to have to go through losing someone at any time of the year not just a Christmas.

Another thing that Facebook has taught is that the politians want to change the name of Christmas to Winderval, due to it being offensive to others. Well I am sorry but Christmas is Christmas and that will never change in my eyes no matter what others say.

Why do people seem to blurt out a load of rubbish at this time of year? Or am I just noticing it much more now I am not so in my own head so much?! Crazy really.

I am not looking forward to Christmas, its one of the worst time of the year for me, always has been. Christmas to me has always been an excuse for people to get away with alot more due to their excuse of it being Christmas and they are just messing around (believe me that excuse has been said to me by plenty of creepy men at Xmas).

I will miss those that I have lost, through death and by just falling out of touch. I made alot of friends when I first came across a group of people on a website years ago and to this day some of those people are my closest friends. But there are also some that have gone away, for what reason I dont know but I have made attempts to get in touch with them but not heard anything back as yet. I do dearly hope that they are safe and well and being happy.

I miss you all so much and I am actually feeling quite lonely, this time of year makes you realise what you have and haven’t got ya know?!

On another topic, my eating is a little better, my weight goes up and down everyday depending on what feelings I have had to contend with (due to BPD).

Its good to be alive for another Xmas anyway, my odds are slashed but I am fighting it and I am still here.

TS xxxx

KATE MOSS BRAIN IS SIZE ZERO – says the sun newpaper.

twistsis — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 18:18:43 +0000

STORM AT “ANOREXIA” COMMENTS

KATE Moss was blasted as brainless last night after sge uggested it was better to be skinny than to eat.

SEE FULL STORY AT http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/bizarre/2735440/Kate-Moss-reveals-her-life-motto-Nothing-tastes-as-good-as-skinny-feels.html

Couldnt face it today

twistsis — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 11:19:41 +0000

I couldn’t do it. After my post yesterday I have now got to the point where I couldn’t get out of the bed and face the day. Maybe im sick? I dont know but all I know is I have a million things to be doing and I cant do them because I feel like it I go outside today, something is going to happen, something bad and I am not moving incase that happens. Sad or what!!! I need to snap out of this and soon!!!

Everything seems to be scaring me right now!

twistsis — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 21:01:34 +0000

Its becoming annoying now. I am seriously wary of everything and everyone. I mean I have always been wary of people but I am one of those people that tries to get to know someone before judging them. But now I dont even think about anything like that, I am seeing bad in everything and everyone and I have no idea why. I am getting to the point now that everything seems to be going wrong and whatever I try to do to stop it, it continues to get worse, like I have made it worse. I know that its possible its not my fault its getting worse but it seems that everything I am touching is turning sour on me which is severly depressing me.

I wake up everyday feeling sick, like I should just stay where I am and not move then I wont be affected by anything or anyone. I am trying to push through it and get out of bed and go to work everyday but each day that goes by, its getting worse and worse and it is depressing me more and more.

Im so sick and tired of two faced people!!

twistsis — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 17:47:16 +0000

I need to vent, I am soooo pissed off its quite unreal. I have felt this way before but that was way before my meds actually started working and I was feeling like this all the time but something has come over me today. I have realised that ALOT of people in my life are actually two faced people, they use me and they walk all over me and I am so sick of it! I am trying to find a way of dealing with this without freaking out or actually losing it at people. I need to learn to stand on my own two feet and not get drowned in my feelings, but its hard ya know? Just struggling is all and I needed to vent xxx

My starsign for this week… taken from Closer Magazine

twistsis — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 20:01:22 +0000

Virgo starsign for this week, lets see what I have in store huh?! :

“If you feel like your finances have gone into a backwards cycle, relax. Mercury is reversing in your money zone so cash could be confusing. However, you are under enough stress as it is and worrying about thing won’t help. Just cross your fingers and hope for the best. You could yet get lucky”

Hummmmmm ok then! Well I have no money but no-one does at the moment right?! Shit happens, its how we deal with it that matters.

Going to Amsterdam!!

twistsis — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 19:54:50 +0000

So, I have decided that I need some time away, jsut a few days is all so I am now going to Amsterdam on Friday!!! I cannot wait! I haev doubled this up as a birthday celebration as I will be turning 24 on the 18th of this month!! wooo

I can honestly say that I never thought I would make it to 24, with all the crap in my life etc, I honestly thought that the anorexia, mental illness or me would have killed me by now. I have put my body through alot, through torture so for me, 24 is a milestone and it should be celebrated. So me, and 5 others are off to Amsterdam to have a long weekend of crazy fun and sightseeing, might even pop to Anne Frank’s house and have a nosey around, you never know, I might even learn something.

Anywho, guys, I know you are out there and I know you are reading but I hope you are acting too, I am living proof that even though shit happens and continues to happen, you can get through it and come out the other side. YOU CAN make it through another year, another 5, you can make it. please remember that, I know its hard, I understand the way you are feeling and I am always always here for you all. Just know that when you think that no-one loves you or wants you around……. I LOVE YOU AND I WANT YOU AROUND.

Each and every one of you are in my head and heart, always will be, nothing can change that.

I miss you all

Loves you

twistedSISTER

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Peanut has gone, but I am still here.

twistsis — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 20:42:52 +0000

So,

I lost the baby, at 12 weeks. To be honest with you, I wasn’t really sure it would last, my body is not strong enough yet and we weren’t trying to get pregnant, it just happened, it was an accident, although I was so happy when I found out!
I am not stong enough, my body is not strong enough and neither is my mind.

So, even though this news is a massive blow for me, maybe it happened for a reason? I honestly don’t know. I feel numb at the moment and just really tired so I am just taking each day as it comes and when my body is ready, I am sure I will be a mother one day, that just isnt today.

TS
xxxxxx