I need to vent, I am soooo pissed off its quite unreal. I have felt this way before but that was way before my meds actually started working and I was feeling like this all the time but something has come over me today. I have realised that ALOT of people in my life are actually two faced people, they use me and they walk all over me and I am so sick of it! I am trying to find a way of dealing with this without freaking out or actually losing it at people. I need to learn to stand on my own two feet and not get drowned in my feelings, but its hard ya know? Just struggling is all and I needed to vent xxx

Virgo starsign for this week, lets see what I have in store huh?! :

“If you feel like your finances have gone into a backwards cycle, relax. Mercury is reversing in your money zone so cash could be confusing. However, you are under enough stress as it is and worrying about thing won’t help. Just cross your fingers and hope for the best. You could yet get lucky”

Hummmmmm ok then! Well I have no money but no-one does at the moment right?! Shit happens, its how we deal with it that matters.

TS

So, I have decided that I need some time away, jsut a few days is all so I am now going to Amsterdam on Friday!!! I cannot wait! I haev doubled this up as a birthday celebration as I will be turning 24 on the 18th of this month!! wooo

I can honestly say that I never thought I would make it to 24, with all the crap in my life etc, I honestly thought that the anorexia, mental illness or me would have killed me by now. I have put my body through alot, through torture so for me, 24 is a milestone and it should be celebrated. So me, and 5 others are off to Amsterdam to have a long weekend of crazy fun and sightseeing, might even pop to Anne Frank’s house and have a nosey around, you never know, I might even learn something.

Anywho, guys, I know you are out there and I know you are reading but I hope you are acting too, I am living proof that even though shit happens and continues to happen, you can get through it and come out the other side. YOU CAN make it through another year, another 5, you can make it. please remember that, I know its hard, I understand the way you are feeling and I am always always here for you all. Just know that when you think that no-one loves you or wants you around……. I LOVE YOU AND I WANT YOU AROUND.

Each and every one of you are in my head and heart, always will be, nothing can change that.

I miss you all

Loves you

twistedSISTER

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

So,

I lost the baby, at 12 weeks. To be honest with you, I wasn’t really sure it would last, my body is not strong enough yet and we weren’t trying to get pregnant, it just happened, it was an accident, although I was so happy when I found out!
I am not stong enough, my body is not strong enough and neither is my mind.

So, even though this news is a massive blow for me, maybe it happened for a reason? I honestly don’t know. I feel numb at the moment and just really tired so I am just taking each day as it comes and when my body is ready, I am sure I will be a mother one day, that just isnt today.

TS
xxxxxx

This article came from Reveal Magazine, and I just had to put it out there for you all to see!!! How can people possibly say that the media plays no part in disordered eating? Here is proof that pictures of skinny stars are making girls and boys alike feel like they need to be better which leads them needing to be thinner!

Rachael Johnston’s fixation on a photo of Victoria Beckham nearly killed her. Here, she tells REVEAL how she finally beat her four- year battle with Anorexia.

Looking at the pictures taken two weeks ago on my 18th birthday, I can barely believe the happy, relaxed girl beaming away in the pretty red dress is me. Just six months ago, I’d have been horrified that the size 10 frock i’d picked out in New look for the occasion fitted like a dream. Back then, still firmly in the grip of anorexia nervosa, even size six clothes swamped my frame, and I was looking to a very different photograph for encouragement.

The shot (in magazine has photo of Victoria Beckham in white dress with no straps and very short showing off her legs and collarbones) of Victoria Beckham was my “thinspiration”. Whenever my resolve weakened, or doctors tried to persuade me to eat, I’d stare at if for hours – picturing my body with those jutting collarbones and thin limbs.

I’m not saying for a second that Victoria has ever suffered from an eating disorder, and i’m sure she’d be horrified if she knew pictures of her had spurred me to carry on starving myself. But for more than four years, I kept the picture, with my own face stuck over hers, hidden inside my wardrobe and then in my hospital locker – a reminder that if I ever wanted my body to be as skinny as hers, Anorexia was too powerful an ally to let go.

It all began with a New Year’s resolution in 2005 to get slim. At 8st 7lb, I wasn’t fat, but I was still targeted by bullies at schoolf for being overweight. My goal was simple – I wanted to be skeletal, and disappear from their sights. Teachers first noticed my eating habits had changed on a school trip to Belgium that year, when I got through each day on just a KitKat and some juice. When I got back, my mum, lynne, panicked and started weighing me weekly to see if I was losing weight. I was, rapidly, so she took me to the GP. I fobbed her off by telling her how much the death of my freat-gran and the pressure of GCSE’s was affecting me, but my eating habits became more irregular.

I stuck to 800 calories a day, sucking ice cubes and chewing gum to suppress my appetite. My weight fell dangerously low, to 6st 7lb, but it was just enough to keep me out of hospital. I was exhauted, but I fell in love with feeling hungry, fasting for days at a time and doing 1,000 sit-ups alone in my room to lose as much weight as possible.

I began visiting pro-anorexic websites, where other girls swapped tips on the best “thinspiration” pictures, or how to make yourself sick after meals. After one vomiting sessions, Dad found me unconscious on the bathroom floor, and called an ambulance. I was taken to Warrington Hospital, where I stayed for three months after mum refused to take me home. I know now she was just desperate for me to get better, but I screamed as she walked away, and I was already too good at being anorexic to gain weight.

I stuffed meals into shampoo bottles, and refused to let even water pass my lips. Doctors resorted to feeding me through a nasal tube into my stomach. Eventually, I was sent home to be treated as an outpatient but 12-day fast ended with me being rushed into hospital, weighing 5st 13lbs and wearing clothes for an 11-year old. Somehow, in between all the purging and starving, I took and passed 12 GCSEs in hospital, before spending 18 months in an eating disorder unit, where I gained 22lbs. I was so disgusted with myself that, for days after I was discharged in May 2008, I took a paracetamol overdoes. I wound back in the unit until January, but again, when I was released, I made two more impulsive attempts at overdosing, which very nearly succeeded.

That was my lowest point. I ended up on an adult mental health ward, where I’d lie awake listening to patients’ screams. I knew I didnt want this to be my future, but I struggled to make real changes until, in May, I was given overnight leave to attend my sixth form cllege’s year photo. Seeing my friends getting ready for university and loving life, I saw how badly I’d fallen behind. That night I went home and poured my heart out to mum, promising to gain weight and get better.

That’s what I’m doing now. I still have moments when I struggle with food, and, at 7st, I’m still 12lb shy of my target weight, but i’ve taken down the picture of Posh, and I’m taking it one day at a time. I attend a Liverpool support group my mum now works for, and they’ve organised an eating disorder awareness conference next month to spread the message that they can be beaten.

Until now, my own disorder has been a secret, but i’ve decided to speak out so that other sufferers realise help is out there, if they can find the strength to ask for it. When anorexia has been your only friend for so long, breaking free seems like a terrifying step, but its one i’m so glad I made.

Next month, I’m going to start studying for my A-levels, and for the first time in five years, I feel like i’ve got my future back.

THE EATING DISORDER CONFERENCE TAKE PLACE AT LIVERPOOL JOHN MOORES UNIVERSITY ON 7TH SEPTEMBER. FOR DETAILS, VISIT b-eat.co.uk or ljmu.ac.uk

TS

Found this on yahoo today, take a look:

If you’re dining with overweight friends, beware. Skip related content
A small U.S. study had found that overweight children and teenagers eat more when they have a snack with an overweight friend rather than with a thinner peer.

Researchers from the State University of New York at Buffalo studied a group of 9- to 15-year-olds and found that all youngsters, regardless of their weight, tended to eat more when they snacked with a friend rather than a peer they did not know.

But the biggest calorie intakes were seen when an overweight child snacked with an overweight friend.

The findings, reported in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, highlight the role of friends’ influence in how much children eat and, possibly, in their weight control.

Researcher Sarah-Jean Salvy, an assistant professor of pediatrics at the State University of New York, said it was not surprising that children eat more when they are with friends instead of strangers.

She told Reuters Health that the same pattern has been found in adults which can be partly explained by people being more self-conscious around strangers.

But this can also be partly explained as friends act as “permission-givers.” “They set the norm for what is appropriate to do, or in this case eat,” said Salvy.

For the study, Salvy and her colleagues had 23 overweight and 42 normal-weight children and teens spend 45 minutes with either a friend or an unfamiliar peer.

Each pair was given games, puzzles and books for entertainment, along with bowls of chips, cookies, carrots and grapes.

Overall, the researchers found that pairs of friends downed more calories than did unacquainted pairs and overweight friends consumed the most — 738 calories, on average, versus 444 calories when an overweight child was paired with normal-weight friend.

Normal-weight kids consumed an average of about 500 calories when paired with a friend, regardless of the friend’s weight. Salvy said a recent study of adults found that people were more likely to gain weight over three decades if their same-sex friends were overweight or obese, suggesting a role for “social influence” in body weight.

When it comes to children and teens, it’s known that many follow their friends’ lead in deciding whether to smoke or drink.

Salvy said the current findings suggest that children’ eating habits are also “largely determined by their social network.”

The good side of that, according to Salvy, is that helping one child make healthy changes may end up influencing his or her friends as well.

(Reporting by Amy Norton of Reuters Health, Editing by Belinda Goldsmith)

Hey all!

I know some of you post, some of you are lurking in the side lines, you dont have to do that, you are welcome to be here as much as everybody else but if you prefer to sit and watch this is cool too. I just want to know your star signs.

I am interested to find out if they are in fact true or just a load of bull!!

I am a Virgo! Here is my starsign fresh from Heat Magazine this today!

Charm, not talent, should get you places soon. This might be a godsend for HEIDI PRATT, but for some it could feel like a complete cop-out. You could, of course, earnestly grimace your way through important inquisitions…. just don’t blame this stargazer if someone less sincere gets your gig.

Hummmmmm interesting! Well, I will take each day as it comes I think and just see what happens and get through it using BOTH my talent and Charm!

Whats your sign? Tell me and I will post your horoscope for you xx

TS

Ok, I got this from Heat magazine and thought that I had to post it!! So here you go:

Kelly Clarkson’s furious about new airbrushed photos of her on the cover of US Magazine SELFT. The 27-year-old has always resisted the pressure to be thin, even declaring in the SELF interview. “It’s other people who seem to have a problem with [my weight] – I don’t, I’m fine!” So it’s no wonder that she’s fuming that the magazine then retouched her photos. Friend Melissa lefton told heat, “Kelly is most upset about the airbrushing because it makes her look like a hypocrite to her fans. It makes her look like a sell-out, not to mention the fact that it’s insulting.” Editor-In-Chief  Lucy Danziger defended the airbrushing, however, admitting, “Yes, of course we do it…..Only to make her look her personal best.”

Well I just have one question which is directed at Lucy Danziger: Did you ask Kelly Clarkson if she wanted to be airbrushed? My guess is no, judging by Kelly’s reaction to this. Lucy Danziger seems to think that differently to Kelly on what is considered her “personal best”

I found this article in Closer magazine, I find myself buying mags nowadays simply because I want to see when or if the world will change its mind about the size zero war or if we are still stuck in the rut of being thin.

Front page shows pictures of three stars with a simple quote underneath:

Jordan: Wants implants cut out because Pete bought them (Sorry but this woman needs to get a life!!)

Kerry Katona: Food and Booze binges, Downs Vodka and kebabs to spite Mark after Fat jibes (Kerry needs to realise she is her own person, not what other people want her to be)

Victoria Beckham: Hair things and nails break as she loses half a stone in a week. (This woman is possibly one of the biggest influences on females today, this is why I choose to show you the article about her rather than the other two, if you want either of the others let me know and I will post them too).

First off when I opened the magazine to the 1st page the Editor Lisa Burrow has put a stark warning:

We all know Posh is a byword for thin. noone has ever looked at her and thought: “just look at those jowls!” But the recent photos of her are beyond shocking. She looks skeletal and ill. Those close to her have confided that her hair is thinning and her nails are brittle. There’s no doubt she has an iron will and when she decides to up her diet and exercise regime – in this case to look slimmer for what she considers to be her big break on American Idol – she sticks to it rigidly. But as she gets older she needs to realise that a few extra pounds are flattering and vital. Skinny Kate Moss is already paying the price for being so thin. Like Posh, she’s 35, but her party- loving lifestyle is finally taking its toll on her face. Experts say that her skin has lost some of its glow and elasticity because of lack of body fat is linked to low levels of oestrogen, the hormone that keeps your skin supple. Posh should take note. The day of reckoning comes for us all – even supermodels and megastars.

This actually shocked me, seeing someone who is an editor of a famous mag actually saying the opposite of what the modelling world is saying. Next we have the article on Posh Victoria Beckham (bear with me, there is alot to write):

Experts fear for Posh: “She’s back to the size of a seven year old”

After keletal Posh lost 7lbs in a week on a detox diet, those close to her – and medical experts – are seriously concerned.

Victoria Beckham is known for her super-skinny figure, but now she looks emaciated. With her collarbones protruding, and her face so gaunt that her eyes look sunken, frail Victoria drews gasps of shock from onlookers at her guest appearance on American Idol.

The 5ft 4 star is said to weigh barely more than 7st, and her skeletal figure has dwindled to a UK dress size 4- the size of a seven-year-old girl.

According to insiders, Posh followed Gwyneth Paltrow’s detox diet to wow viewers – and Simon Cowell – on her first major TV appearance as a judge on US show American Idol. A pal told Closer: “Victoria knows the camera adds 10lbs so she thought Gwyneth’s detox would be good to do the week before, just to make sure she was looking her best. It was her change to really shine so she was determined to look fantastic.”

At 7st 7lbs, Posh, 35, was already way too thin in July, and now she’s dropped to just over 7st and has a BMI of 16.6. Anything lower than 18.5 is considered underweight. Her extreme diet is said to have had a terrible effect on her health and well-being. A source told Closer: “Victoria is having her hair dyed once a week because she has noticd its thinning and wants it to look thicker. She’s also keeping her nails short as they’re so brittle they break easily. The diet has left her shattered too, and she’s been in tears all week after critics were lukewarms about her performance on the show.”

The detox – which healthy size 8 Gwyneth spoke about last month – includes blueberry shakes in the morning and miso soup or a salad for lunch, followed by a blueberry shake again in the evening, steamed fish and lots of water. A source said: “The diet is extreme. You also have to do a 15- minute sauna every day to sweat out toxins. “Gwyneth did it before her last red carpet event as she felt she’d gained a few pounds, but Victoria’s so tiny she didn’t need to lose weight.Now she just looks ill.” added a source.

Friends of Victoria, who visits a gym at least three times a week, are worried that she even felt the need to diet when she was already so slim. They say her waist is now just 23 inches. Celebrity fitness trainer Nicki Waterman says with a waist that small, Victoria now has the same build as a prepubescent girl. Nicki said: “It’s shocking Victoria is the size of a seven-year-old girl. She’s started exercising, but she obviously hasn’t increased her food to compensate for the calories she’s burning by working out. “From these recent pictures, I’d say Victoria is actually well below 7st. She looks more like 6st 7lbs. No one should be that thin. She needs to start eating a balanced diet straight away.”

Nutritionist Juliette Kellow also believes Posh is dangerously thin, adding: “Young girls aspire to look like Victoria, but she’s smaller than most of them and she looks like she’s probably starving herself to be like that.” Victoria is said to be filling up on sparkling water in a bid to quash her hunger and cravings. A pal said: ” Vic says she doesn’t have the time to sit down for full meals. but she is drinking up to 4 litres of sparkling water a day as she says it makes her feel full. “David is worried about her. He hates her being so skinny, but he’s not around much because of his football career, so he is not there to make sure she eats. He calls he constantly because he is so concerned. Hopefully all the extra attention from David will make her feel better about herself.”

Insiders say insecure Victoria also wanted to do the detox diet because she thought it would be good for her acne-prone skin. A source said: “Victoria wasn’t just worried about a few pounds, she wanted to sort out her skin as well so she didn’t look spotty or tired on TV. She had loads of facial treatments in the build-up. Victoria puts herself under too much pressure to be perfect.”

But Victoria – who’s mum to Brooklyn, 10, Romeo, six, and Cruz, four – was disappointed by the response to her appearance on the show, which won’t air until January 2010. Insiders described her performance as “wooden and cold.” The pal said “She was nervous, but thought she did ok until some people slammed her. It’s heartbreaking for her, she feels like she can’t do anything right.” To add to Victoria’s problems, England football coach Fabio Capello has said David, 34, will not feature in next year’s World Cup unless he returns to Europe in December. A pal added: “it’s Victoria’s worst nightmare. She wants to stay in LA with the kids as she enjoys their lifestyle there, but David’s putting pressure oh her to move back to Europe, and she dreads having a long – distance relationship with him again. “It all adds to her stress, and makes her too upset to eat.”

So there we have it! The life of Victoria Beckham seems so stressful?! Im sorry but she wanted her life to be this way, she is so busy trying to make herself big in America that she is ignoring the fact that the main reason she is so famous in the first place is because of her husband who she is trying to keep away from Europe?? How selfish can you get?? She claims its because the kids are settled etc but really its because she likes the lifestyle and how people adore her out there, she isn’t so loved her I dont think. I personally want to shake the woman and make her wake up to what a gifted life she has!!!

I have been on full alert the last few days I cant even being to think about why I am, just know its there. It is like I am looking at things for the first time all over again. I was taking a walk last night as I couldnt sleep and I saw thing that I would probably normally not see or ignore.

I was walking along and there was an old couple just strolling in front of me smiling and talking together, when they got to where the parade of shops began and spotted 3 young lads with hoodies standing outside of one shop they stopped and just stood there for a moment as if contemplating what they were going to do about this situation. I watched them, wondering what it was they had stopped for, for a moment I thought that maybe something was wrong with one of them but then I heard it. The boys were shouting and screaming at the shop assistant from the outside of the shop, talking about not being sold alcohol as they were over age they just couldnt prove it. This incident obviously scared the couple that were just minding their own business taking an evening stroll. I then saw that I recognised one of the young lads, he usually hangs around the shops near where I have been working lately and to be honest, he has always been a bit of a bully. I decided that this was not right, how bad things have got now that an old couple cannot even walk along the street without the fear of being hurt or threatened by a group of sad lonely individuals who have nothing better to do that make people feel bad about themselves or scaring them.

Maybe this was wrong but I couldnt just stand there and let this couple worry for their safety so I approached the couple and asked them if they were ok, they explained that they were fine just a bit worried about walking past the shops when it appeared there may be trouble about to start. I said to them that they had every right to feel safe walking along the street, that they shouldnt feel like they couldnt do so. The man said to me that maybe it was best that they crossed the street and went the long way round. I couldnt believe that suggestion was made, I didnt want this couple having to take the long way round simply because some muppets thought they had a right to scream at people when they didnt get what they wanted. So I told the couple to stay where they were, I explained I knew one of the lads and that I would be right back.

I walked right up the lads looking straight at them, not smiling, nothing just kept walking until I got to the front of the shop. The boys were like “alright darling, fancy a bit then”, I kept quiet and then looked at the boy that I knew of. I asked him what he was up to and why was he shouting the place down, his response “because the dickhead behind the counter wont serve me because he thinks I am underage” I said oh right ok so you are shouting at a stranger because he is sticking to the law then? He looked confused, I went on to say that the person in the shop was right not to sell them anything because I knew for a fact that he was underage by 3 years and he had every right to call the police to inform them of what the boys were up to, boy then said “this has nothing to do with you so unless I was gonna give him something he wanted then I should back off. The other two started laughing at their little friend and started again with the “you want some of this darling” while grabbing their manhood! I acted on pure impulse at that point, I said yeah I do, walked up to the boys and grabbed one of them by their “manhood”, boy screamed like a little girl! This made the boys look worried about what I was going to do. I stayed calm and said to them that they were nothing more than lonely sad pathetic boys who needed to find something to do because standing outside the shop like a tramp scaring old people so much they wont even walk past them to get along the road was really quite sad and if they didnt disappear now I would make sure they could not offer themselves to anyone ever again. I then let go of the squiming one. They looked at me for a minute and then they ran off. The shop keeper was laughing his head off!

The old couple seeing that the boys had gone started to walk along the road, they stopped and told me that I was very brave and said thank you. They then continued to walk along the road.

After that I turned round and then headed back home.

It was foolish what I did, I could have been hurt, they could have acted out or anything could have happened. But I do not regret what I did, it felt good to finally stand up to people who love to make people feel like crap.

I will now remember that experience and remember that things are only scary until I stand up to them.

TS